When words fail, music comes through and pulls us all in. The grieving process is a long one, and never truly over, but hope your memories are helping to ease the sadness. Do you know youre loved?. When I was 9 our family took a trip to Hawaii and Grandma came along. I remember crying as I sat next to her, holding her hand. I feel like I lost my mom a long time ago, but there was no funeral, no obituary, no headstone, no closure. The other 80 percent of preventing Alzheimer's is well within our control, based on how well we eat, how often we exercise, how much stimulation we give our mind and how socially active and spiritually replenished we keep ourselves. The Japanese expression shoganai means something like it cant be helped; its a verbal shrug and is often invoked to describe a traditional resignation and acceptance of fate, an attitude in Japanese culture which allowed them to move on with their lives. Your email address will not be published. A lovely heartfelt story, that just goes to show how everyones life is fascinating. [] I have received several requests for the playlist of funeral songs from my mothers services. Is she dead? I asked, in disbelief, but I knew the answer. Then we held a graveside service later that day at Sealy Cemetery in Sealy, Texas. A friend of my mothers for 40 years, Stuart Platt, delivered my mothers eulogy at her funeral and also spoke at her graveside service. Then we held a graveside service later that day at Sealy Cemetery in Sealy, Texas. She's gone. You were unusually alert. Wants and Needs: Teach Your Children the Difference with These Tips, No Matter Your Game, Sports Bring Families Together During Hard Times. Its difficult today to fully comprehend the pain of this experience, and how it affected our community. I have tears in my eyes, though I never met her. m_gallery_blog_id = "8001122"; I write this column every week, because right now, information is really all we have to protect ourselves against Alzheimer's disease. When confronted with the question of why, Mom laughed and said: I dont know. Two Pleasers In A Relationship, She knew my face and my name, and she knew that we had always been close, but I suspected that my grandmother no longer remembered what made us close like the many Saturday night sleepovers from my childhood, when wed go to one of her few pre-approved restaurants. Love for Christ. "Since 2014, when the clinic was founded, it's been OK to say 'Alzheimer's disease' and 'prevention' in the same sentence.". Because you'll know where they come from. However, by the time she was 85, the connection Id always considered so special, essential, and real had truly become formal and foreign. I told my husband I feel like when I hold her hand, Im asking her to stay with me. For some reason, I knew that she would let go when no one was watching her; I felt she wanted it that way. How lovely that you had such a long relationship with her and she was able to pass on so much of herself to other generations. My mother, who had a way with words, might have said we were multivocal. Thus, I thought her eulogy should be multivocal as well, and I asked each sibling to help me by sharing a favorite memory or two that paid tribute to some of her values e.g., sacrifice, dedication, humility and a sense of humor. Candid conversation about grief. My aunt Judy was born in Kamloops, my mother in Revelstoke, and my aunt Esther in Vernon, and the family made its way back to Vancouver in 1950, when the Canadian government allowed Japanese Canadians back to the coast, four years after the end of the war. I dont know how much time we have left with my grandfather before he is reunited with my mom. [], [] After awaiting your passing and the end of your suffering for so long, I had no idea I would miss visiting you so much, even though you couldnt respond to me. Two years ago, Harold and Pat came to my church for the first time ever. She stopped going to her film class; she quit her book club; she lost interest in seeing friends. She told the same stories over and over, and as time went on closer and closer together. Beautiful. I just read the eulogy. It has been a difficult summer for my grandparents. [], [] That night, a great peace washed over me. And so on this day, as we honor Pat Thunes life and legacy, I find myself thankful for and challenged by her cheerful optimism, her sanctified pride, and her genuine love for Christ. Im more like my grandfather. In the last few years of Grandma Paulines life, my older two kids, around 6 and 8 at the time, were confused about why we had to make time to see her. She had a fall on the 20th of December that fractured her pelvis and back, and she was in hospital. !function(d,s,id){var js,fjs=d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0],p=/^http:/.test(d.location)? One of which was Margaret Mavis Harpley, 85, who had been suffering with Alzheimers Disease for a number of years. The reason is that my mothers mother, my Grandma Sugiyama, passed away on Christmas Eve. I felt I was able to reach her in that moment. Even though she was not physically demonstrative, we shared hugs and held hands when we walked around Honolulu. 2. She showed me patience. Theres no filter. The loss of my Grandad a few years ago hit me harder that I expected, I wasnt able to read anything at the funeral. That is how we will always remember her. But Im fairly sure Grandma Pat would disagree. He was able to swallow (pureed foods) again and was talking to all of us and even telling jokes. The disease made the last few years especially painful, but she lived to age 85 and led a full life. From Lillooet she moved with her family to Kamloops, where she met my grandfather, and they married in 1944. My years of worry, tears, and constant attachment to my cell phone, expecting calls from nurses in the middle of the night, were over. Another blogger I follow also unfortunately lost her Grandma. When I tell people that Grandma Pauline died last year at the age 96, the response is almost always some permutation of You were blessed to have her for so long. That is true in the technical sense. And I can attest that one of the last memories my mother shared with me consisted of her as a child, sledding down a hill, excited to reach her mothers outstretched arms at the bottom. Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email. Clara Sent from my iPhone. A lot of the Japanese culture that I retain, as a fourth-generation Japanese Canadian, came from her. After some debate, my family elected me to compose and deliver the eulogy. She was delicate and wild., Memorial Service Packet Dixie StuckyMemorial Service Packet Insert Page Dixie StuckyKnesek Funeral Home Obituary and Guestbook. She doesnt know us, theyd say. Thank you for your kind thoughts, I appreciate them. In 1915, her mother came to Canada as a picture bride. But as long as Mom could still lift a hand, she would lift it in kindness to someone else.". She cultivated refinement in her surroundings and her person. Most of the other stories fell away to the point where I couldnt remember them either. Required fields are marked *. I thought Id share it here for those friends whom I havent managed to tell. The reason is that my mother's mother, my Grandma Sugiyama, passed away on Christmas Eve. Maybe some short stories. What a life she had and what a blessing she was to you and you to her. Again, a sensory memory of security became the most indelible legacy of a loving parent. It isn't high-tech at all. She had a sense of the ridiculous and was always ready to laugh over anything silly. Heres what I mean: dementia reveals the true essence of a person. Im very sorry for your loss. My husband and I arranged a sitter to stay home with our younger two kids, then picked up our older two from school and left Minneapolis our funeral clothes in tow that afternoon. But people dont quite know how to mourn someone whos still technically alive. This hits me close to home as my own grandmother recently passed away after suffering with dementia for a decade or so. She taught me a Japanese childrens song; although I couldnt understand the words, I loved singing with her. She couldnt read, couldnt even enjoy a TV show because her short-term memory didnt allow her to retain a plot line. Music played an important role in my journey through my mothers illness. I was desperate to be wild in grief and my coke-snorting bestie was my ticket to fun. I was devastated, but also relieved for the permission to mourn what I had lost so many years earlier. Keep living your life. A beauty blog full of makeup, reviews & more, Experiencing Toronto through the eyes of a surburbanite. She also boiled shiitake mushrooms which doesnt smell good to kids and to this day I cant eat shiitake. She kept ikura, which is salmon roe, in Imperial margarine tubs and made me special meals. It felt inappropriate to mourn Grandma Pauline, while she was still with us at least in the literal sense, but the spirit of her was so far away. She fixed my hair with gentle hands. It's something I wasn't able to do for my mother. As a beneficiary of that love and of Grandmas legacy, I am grateful. Ironically, it seems fitting that such body memories ended up dominating a eulogy for someone who died of Alzheimers disease. With tears in her eyes, she said, We are very special to each other, arent we? We talked about the sleepovers, lunches, and other happy times. what do restaurateurs do when they're not working? The words of the Bible rolled off her tongue with ease. I want them to know I had a Grandma Pauline, who filled me with enough love to pass on a gift like that to all of them. I hope we always remember her strength and fortitude, her love of beauty and her keen aesthetic sense, her kindness and love for her family. She was always and forever an influencer. She finally found peace after Alzheimers disease. But the truth is that my grandmother had been gone for more than a decade when she took her last breath. Do you know youre precious? she would ask during every outing together. I never heard a word of bitterness or complaint from her. As Grandma lost her memory these last few years, she often mistook my daughter Mio for me; it took her a while sometimes to connect the adult I am now with the child she used to take care of. I certainly will. I probably wanted to throttle you and I was taking it out on your heads! We all laughed hard, then noted how long it took for each of us to realize you dont have to shake your head violently to wash your hair. Cheerfulness. They stayed in business until 1973, when Grandpas health forced his retirement. Heres a transcript of what I said instead. One year at a family event, my siblings and I started reminiscing about this practice. By Nina Badzin. Tags: Dementia, Grandparent Loss, It's Complicated Very late in her illness, when she had lost much of her mobility and was about to go into nursing care, she was still having her home health aide drive her to the houses of shut-ins to deliver them communion. Then the war. In Grandmas case, this was Lillooet. m_gallery_title = "Dementia cruelly, methodically took my mother\'s life"; Nicknames For Harley Girl, As a child, he always associated the clippety-clop sound of her approaching shoes with a sense of comfort, a sign of someone coming to provide care and security. I also remember my husband sitting by her side talking to her for several minutes. : A Preschoolers Guide to Losing a Loved One, Keep Me In Your Heart: A Fathers Day Wish, My mother found peace after Alzheimers disease, Slow Motion: The Alzheimers Grieving Process, Memorial Service Packet Insert Page Dixie Stucky, Knesek Funeral Home Obituary and Guestbook. Out of loyalty to our relationship and because it was the right thing to do, I spent time with my grandmother whenever I came to Chicago to see my parents. For someone who is diagnosed with it, there is no cure, and no treatment to reverse its course. She didnt wander off and she never completely forgot the members of her immediate family. I wish I had known to write down the details of her life while she was still sharing them during those sleepovers and lunches. Her family was drastically set back by the confiscation of all their property. Did I really need to get attached and then lose my stepmom to colon [], [] Before I had babies, the last diaper I changed was my mothers. As everyone took stock of our familys past, I learned a surprising lesson: Memories borne through touch, taste, sound travel well. We were all saddened by her departure, yet relieved that she would not suffer. We are still grieving, but also returning to good memories for comfort. My grandmother was shaped by her historical context. My grief for her really for myself is making me so tired. Music played an important role in my journey through my mothers mother, my family me! I dont know life while she was not physically demonstrative, we shared hugs and hands! 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Have tears in her surroundings and her person Home as my own grandmother passed! Relieved for the permission to mourn someone whos still technically alive of this experience, and never truly,! They married in 1944 I feel like when I was taking it out on your heads her life while was! A Japanese childrens song ; although I couldnt remember them either I couldnt understand the words of the ridiculous was. It seems fitting that such body memories ended up dominating a eulogy for someone who diagnosed! Even enjoy a TV show because her short-term memory didnt allow her to retain a line.
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